Am I normal?

I think ‘normal’ is such a loaded word. The idea of normal can cause so much harm. I know for me it was (and still is) a cause for a lot of anxiety. Its one of those things everybody wants: to be normal. I know I wont be the only one that googles certain feelings or symptoms or quirks or ANYTHING, hoping to be told by the trusty internet that I’m not the only one, and that what I’m dealing with is normal. Its only recently that I’ve realised that the idea of ‘normal’ is something that is a trigger for me- it triggers my anxiety, my depression… and it can just make me feel really off balance and out of sync with the world. I’ve never been the type of person to have alot of friends.Throughout my life I’ve gone through phases of having friends- some really close friends (the BFF type- you live in eachothers pockets for a time) and some that are more ‘aquaintences’. But these friends never stay.And I say to myself: whats wrong with me? I’m not normal? why dont I have heaps of friends, like everybody else? Why aren’t I out ALL the time, doing fun things with all these friends? Why am I happier spending time with my family than with people my own age? And the answer to all my anguish has only just occurred to me recently. Its all a myth- being ‘normal’. Its all relative. The media doesn’t help. We see things like Sex and The City- the close group of girlfriends that are always together, always there for each other – and we wonder why we dont have that. But its important to be aware- MOST people dont have that. Thats not normal. Its certainly not normal for me, and it probably wont ever be. And thats totally fine. We are all so different. I’ve learnt to be an independent person. So much so that if I do ever go out socially, I find it weird and awkward at times- because it’s so foreign to me.

So maybe you’ll have a few friends, maybe you’ll have none. Maybe you’ll find the mythical unicorn and have an amazing group of friends that you’re super close with (and good for you!). Or maybe you’ll be like me- blissfully unaware (for the most part) of whether you have no friends or 100 friends, because you’re too busy hanging out with your Mum (who just so happens to be the coolest person EVER).

So i’ve realised: don’t focus on being normal. There is no normal. What you think is normal, most likely isn’t. Focus on being happy. I used to beat myself up for staying in on Saturday nights, watching movies and reading books. I asked myself why I wasn’t normal. And it really upset me. I’d sit at home crying because I had no friends, nobody had invited me out.

But then I started asking myself WHY i stayed in on Saturday nights. Because I liked it. I’d rather stay warm (and in my onesie) instead of going out, most of the time. I’d rather watch lord of the rings, I’d rather read my favourite book and disappear into that fantasy world. It just makes me happy. And realising that being happy is more important than being ‘normal’ has made me so much calmer. I don’t feel so anxious, I don’t desperately try to make plans for Saturday nights. If plans arise, then cool. But if not, I’m happy as a clam (haha) just hanging out at home, eating naughty food (aint nobody around to judge me!) enjoying great company (meaning me – I’m the BEST company!).

Quick tip: don’t scroll through facebook feeling bad because of all the pictures you see of people out doing fun things while you’re at home. Because theres a good chance they didnt have as much fun as they’re saying. And even if they did- I’m pretty sure you’re having an awesome time too.

So who wants to be normal? Me. But MY version of normal. Which is spiderman pyjamas and watching Lord of The Rings. Again.

Check and mate.